Soulmate vs twin flame: what is the difference?

Soulmate and twin flame at a glance

What is a soulmate?

A soulmate is someone you feel a deep, natural fit with. The connection is usually described as comfortable: you understand each other quickly, you can be yourself, and time together feels restful. A soulmate does not have to be a romantic partner. Many people use the word for a best friend or a sibling.

The idea is very old. In Plato’s Symposium, written around 385 to 380 BCE, the playwright Aristophanes tells a story in which humans once had four arms, four legs and two faces. Zeus split them in half, and each half has searched for the other ever since. The English phrase came much later. Its first recorded use is in an 1822 letter by the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who wrote that to be happy in married life you must have a soul mate.

The belief is still common. In a 2011 Marist Poll, 73% of Americans said they believe in soul mates, and the figure was 80% among adults under 30.

What is a twin flame?

A twin flame is described as the other half of your own soul. The belief is that a single soul was divided and placed in two bodies, and that the two halves are drawn back together. Because the other person is supposed to mirror you, the relationship is said to bring out your flaws and fears as well as your strengths.

The term is far newer than soulmate. It first appeared in A Romance of Two Worlds, an 1886 novel by the English writer Marie Corelli, and it was popularized in the 1970s by the American spiritual author Elizabeth Clare Prophet. Today it lives mostly in spiritual and self help writing, and in a very large body of social media content.

Writers on the subject often describe the same sequence: instant recognition, a period of overwhelming closeness, a separation in which one person withdraws and the other pursues, and then either a reunion or a final parting.

The main differences between a soulmate and a twin flame

Two souls or one

This is the difference everything else follows from. A soulmate is another complete person who suits you. A twin flame is supposed to be part of you. That is why soulmates are described as partners and twin flames are described as mirrors.

Calm or intense

Soulmate connections are described as peaceful. Twin flame connections are described as consuming, with strong highs and strong lows. People often say a soulmate feels like coming home, while a twin flame feels like being turned inside out.

Several or only one

You can meet more than one soulmate, and you may already know some of yours. By definition there is only one twin flame, and believers say many people never meet theirs.

Staying or separating

Soulmate relationships are expected to last, or at least to end gently. Separation is built into the twin flame story, and many accounts end without the two people staying together.

Can a twin flame also be a soulmate?

People who use both terms disagree. Some treat a twin flame as the rarest kind of soulmate. Others keep the two apart and say a soulmate is the person you build a life with, while a twin flame is the person who changes you. Since neither idea can be tested, there is no correct answer, only the definition you find useful.

Is a twin flame better than a soulmate?

Social media often presents the twin flame as the higher form of love. Many people who have lived through one say the opposite. A relationship built on calm, trust and respect is easier to live in than one built on intensity, and intensity is not proof of depth. If you want a partner for daily life, the soulmate description is the one worth looking for.

A caution about the twin flame idea

The twin flame story can make a painful relationship look meaningful. If the pattern is that someone pulls you close, disappears and returns, calling it a separation phase can keep you waiting for a person who is simply unavailable. Be careful in these situations:

• Someone uses the label to excuse controlling, jealous or disappearing behavior.
• You are told the pain is part of the process and that leaving means failing a spiritual test.
• A coach or program charges money and promises to reunite you with a specific person.
• You feel anxious far more often than you feel safe.

A label does not change how someone treats you. If a relationship involves fear, control or harm, talk to someone you trust or to a licensed professional.

What research says about believing in destiny

Psychologists do not study soulmates or twin flames directly, but they do study the belief that relationships are meant to be. In a 1998 paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the psychologist C. Raymond Knee compared people who hold a destiny belief, meaning that partners are either right for each other or not, with people who hold a growth belief, meaning that good relationships are built over time. People with strong destiny beliefs were more likely to pull away when problems appeared. People with strong growth beliefs were more likely to work on the problem.

The practical lesson is simple. Enjoy the idea of a soulmate if it means something to you, and treat the relationship itself as something two people build.

How to tell which one you have met

No test can settle it, but these questions separate the two descriptions:

• Do you feel calmer or more on edge after spending time together?
• Has the connection been steady, or has it repeatedly broken off and restarted?
• Do you feel accepted as you are, or constantly pushed to change?
• Could you describe the relationship honestly to a friend without leaving parts out?

Steady, calm and accepted match the soulmate description. On edge, on and off and pushed match the twin flame description, and they are also reasons to look closely at whether the relationship is good for you.

Sources

1. Marist Poll, Most Americans Believe in Soul Mates, February 2011.
2. Dictionary.com, Lexical Investigations: Soul Mate, on Coleridge and Plato.
3. Wikipedia, Twin flame, on Marie Corelli and Elizabeth Clare Prophet.
4. Knee, C. R. (1998). Implicit theories of relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(2), 360 to 370.